Co-Parenting Challenges. Bringing up children together, apart.

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Co-Parenting Challenges. Bringing up children together, apart.

Nick and Emma have two beautiful children. Life was a bed of roses… until it wasn’t. I remember a very well-crafted status update on FB, announcing to the world that, for the benefit of the kids, it was time to call a day on the relationship. There were turbulent times to follow, of which we may skirt over, yet now the two of them are keen to share their experiences of how they manage to make bringing up a family together (apart) work, where so many others fail miserably.


Every week Andy Ward talks to an array of inspirational guests. Heroes from the world of music, business and every day life, each conversation is sure to reveal the incredible characteristics within all of us and help celebrate one another’s brilliance.

#positivementalattitude #inspirational #inspire #motivate #motivational #believeandachieve

foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] good afternoon uh good evening slightly later than usual uh this is inspiring Be Inspired if it’s the first time you’re joining us my name is Andy Ward I’m coming to you live and direct from Spain and uh it is my pleasure this evening to bring you our co-parenting challenges conversation uh we have one or two people with us live and we get a hell of a lot more people coming back to check out the recording so if you’re either of those then please do feel free to leave a comment uh I’ll give you a shout out let me know you’re there and of course as I just said if you’re watching the recording also feel free to comment leave your own experiences or answer any of the points we bring up because our guests will be checking them out as you can see on the screen the conversation is all about bringing up children together apart the co-parenting challenges of Emma Barber and Nick Collins I’ll say good evening to Angela who is my guest last week on the show and I will continue to say hi to anybody that leaves me a message we make this as interactive as we can I’ll wait for a break in the conversation before I do address any of your points so without further Ado let me head on over and say hello to my guests on the left we can see Emma and on the right we can see Nick I’m a very tentative hello as I always wait to hear you live on air how are you so I have you and Nick you’re loud and clear also yes even everyone hi Andy hi hi hello ex-wife okay so let’s have uh an introduction from from my perspective I met you guys I believe at the vocal booth Weekender first or it may have been at Southport weekend that but I think it was a vocal booth first of all um you guys were a happy couple back then and somewhere along the line the two wonderful children came along and uh you also came and spent some time at our house one afternoon I actually recall it was on the day when they had those tragedies in London if you remember we sat watching watching the atrocities unfold on the on the TV on on London Bridge a few years ago um so that’s how I know you guys uh would you like to uh give us um a short history of your relationship and and how you got together uh and I’m just when I asked the question I’ll leave one of you guys to uh decide who’s gonna answer first so who’s going to tell us about how their relationship began go for it Emma um so I was single for quite a while and I said to one of my old friends I want to meet a guy who wears a suit to work who’s not a builder I’ve been previously married so I was like it’s got no baggage no crazy ex-wife and my friend at the time said I know somebody Nick said to my friend at the time I’ve known you for 15 years why have you never sort of mentioned him previously and we met up um like a music event wasn’t it Nick in Newport pagnell that’s right yeah and Nick was eating a I was a bit hungover actually that day I remember and you know when you like want like salty food like a Cornish pasty or a sausage roll and Nick was like sitting there eating this Cornish pasty and I said yeah mate well you know where’d you get your corner spicy from and as he said just down there love he sprayed pastry all over me and um yeah you know like how the sausage rolls about the pastry just goes everywhere and then since then I thought yeah he’s a good cat he had the most hideous shoes on they were black and white checkered shoes I think you might actually still have them Nick um oh thank God for that we obviously I shot to the obviously when we moved out but no and we just hit it off and Nick got me into music because I was all very much into I was set in my ways of the music that I liked and Nick sort of broadened my horizons on the music and hence vocal group that’s how I remember it okay Nick uh I’m assuming that you agree with everything that Emma said there yeah I was single at the time I was just looking for something with a pulse um and uh and then I choked on some on on a pasty and uh there was this you know hot chick there so yeah um I mean that was the first time we met and the Hideous shoe you described was the first date um and then the second date was when I took you to that great Pub um that wasn’t actually open and they’d like I don’t know what they did they just kind of like tipped over some tables and chairs for us and put some microwave food on but anyway so yeah and vocal booth by the way Andy I think I’ve been to one vocal booth before and then I took Emma I don’t know maybe the first one was 2011 I think my first VB um so I think yours must have been 12 Emma but anyway um but yeah so um pretty much word for word has Emma said and um you know life moves at quite a pace and bought a house together in 2013 and married in 2015. Jack was born 16 2016 and Elizabeth 2018. um and then um yeah then it sort of the relationship ended at the beginning of 2019. so quite a lot going on in a short space of time but um I suppose we were always quite aware of our age coming into sort of mid to late 30s that the Clock Was ticking uh from a you know having children perspective so didn’t have the luxury of time to hang about and uh party for 10 years so did everything also work work commitments as well wasn’t it as well really you so you both have quite uh responsible roles uh Emma working for a family business um slowly but surely Rising her way to the top to uh dominate The Boardroom and Nick are quite a high-flying sales were all right so you’ve had a lot of responsibilities um so we’re not here to dissect why the relationship break down I mean the long and short of it is the relationship did actually break down um but I think it would be interesting to ask uh without touching too much of a raw nerve how far into it how far into the breakdown of the relationship did you get when you realized that it was actually getting to the end and you had to make tough decisions for the children foreign end of August 2016. Elizabeth born June 2018 uh and a tremendous amount of pressure on both of us at the time work-wise financially as well um I remember is Elizabeth got ill and was hospitalized while I was in Stuttgart and um you know but it just you know when it did come to an end and we kind of made that call um that was it right right from that moment then it was about right moving forward and not dwelling on do we don’t we whatever else and I think a conscious decision that we spoke about out loud at the time was we didn’t want to stay together for the sake of the children we heard we hear that an awful lot I heard it from my parents who split up and divorced I think they stayed together they told me for three years for the sake of the children um people have another child don’t they they say that as well yeah but for me it was potentially you know then going to be more corrosive to stay together and toxic you know because if you’re not getting on and you can’t be in the same room and without having an argument then that’s not going to be the most healthy environment to bring up your children in anyway so it was a quite brutal but decision made the right intent that wasn’t an emotional decision it was kind of like well that’s that’s you know let’s let’s do that then and from that moment on um you know you you you’re not friends anymore you’re kind of you know you don’t really want to be in the same room um you know and Emma was the one really that pushed for having some sort of quite immediate structure into that relationship whereby you know we would immediately have our own weekends with the kids you know so even though we stayed together your painting a very um amicable picture of of the way that it all rolled out there but I don’t think it was very amicable at the beginning was it you uh you were both you didn’t split up and live apart you were both living under the same roof right so Emma tell us about that yeah so we lived together but either and we as I said I put the structure in place and said right Wednesday is my night’s off whether I stayed at work late or went out of my girly friends or whatever so even though we lived together I was like Wednesdays you’re doing bedtime routine you’re gonna pick them up from school you know and do all that same as when it on our weekends when we’re on or off or what have you and and it was you know it was things like barfing the kids because you’re in the same house you’re sort of like normally you’d bath the kids together or I’ll do the tea and you do that but we were we were at each other’s throats a little bit to start with but then I was like right I was getting stressed he was getting stressed it was like right let’s I’ll do bath tonight you sit there and do whatever or you go to work or you know we were we were very strict but it was literally for the benefit of the children and for our own mental sake really so we wouldn’t kill each other did the children um have any inkling of what was going on had you spoken to them because they’re they’re still very young of course Elizabeth was only what six months old Nick yeah we’ve got two so they had no idea and then we put the house in the market um and I moved into my parents into my mum’s house only for a few months because I bought a new build and things happened and it wasn’t ready and um yeah and even now you know sorry sort of digest that digress that but Nick and I you know we spend like this Saturday we’re going to meet up at three o’clock in the afternoon because there’s a Halloween party at Nick’s local club for the kids and the other weekend Nick picked me up and said come on we’re going to go down the club and have a few drinks and we’ve got a Domino’s didn’t we Nick and it’s just about our relationship moving forward so the kids don’t see it as mummy’s house Daddy’s house you know nickel nickel just walk in the front door at mine because my house is his house do you know what I mean you know it’s well maybe would you say you have the benefit of them being so young so they’re not able to pick up on on exactly what is going on and dissect the the you know actual the Dynamics of the relationship would that be corrected not not at that time but I mean as as young parents parents generally you’re always you know slightly on edge paranoid about about parenting and whatever and not really knowing what you’re doing half the time and you know the nurseries that the kids were in at the time we were getting feedback from Jack and bear in mind he was only two or whatever just in terms of his emotion and it wasn’t it wasn’t positive but part of us were sort of questioning whether or not that was down to our situation at home being slightly toxic or was it just the nursery being slightly neurotic you know and it was interesting because when the nursery changed we didn’t get any reports at all so as parents you do have that doubt and there must have been an influence because you know there would have been arguments and you know not not a loving atmosphere and the voice is raised yeah yeah and maybe on Jack that would have been a you know a a thing definitely and you know no one wants that you want you but your kids to be happy and that was always that’s going to have to be the main motivator okay so did did it get quite uncomfortable was there ever a moment where it was sort of No Man’s Land you really you know the Handover was very cold and and things like that it must have broken down to start healing again I I’m assuming you tell me I’m sorry but I think the only time I remember was um covid Nick from memory and I had coven I was really quite poorly and I think it was next weekend to pick up the kids so we picked them up at midday on Saturday and I like literally couldn’t get out of bed I was really ill and you turned up and you you were struggling as well because obviously the whole world was on lockdown and it was just horrendous that’s the only memory that I have where me thinking please just take the children because I need a break or whatever but and you did you stayed and we sort of played with the kids together because you were my bubble you know and I was Ill but we worked together at it yeah I mean the period by when we did eventually sell the house and you managed to you know because it was always the priority to get you in for me anyway to get you and the kids into your place before me yeah which we managed to do it took me another year before I managed to get you know a place and and move in there so yeah you’re absolutely right that period when I don’t know how how long you’d been in your house before the whole Kobe thing kicked in you know maybe a few months I don’t know but I happen to be living out in a lovely lovely place in the middle of nowhere in a little village just outside of Milton Keynes but I was just surrounded by fields and completely isolated and thank goodness for Neil McLean sending me those headphones so that I could join a few Lads on the Call of Duty that got me through it but um that period of isolation when you know I’ve just kind of moved out the family home then that happens you’ve got too much time in your hands and I think you go through a grief period and that that you know grief whatever it is you know can manifest itself in in different ways and a lot of the time it was anger frustration and just constantly going through you know arguments and whatever you’re in your head and and that grieving process you know might cause you to want to lash out but you know by lashing out I mean you know be a dick you know to to a decision or refuse to have a kid or something like that but ultimately I quickly realized that anything that I did out of anger would only reflect on my relationship with the kids by me not being able to see them as much or not have the interaction or Emma not sharing information with me so you know there were still you know mental health challenges during that period um um but you know quickly realized that you know working together would be better for my mental health than working against wonderful you’ve broken that down fantastic I just take a very quick minute to say again good evening to everyone joining us we have got a uh quite a few people watching us live uh good evening Cliff good evening angel and you mentioned then about POG wash uh one of the guys who joined us on the Xbox at the time Mr Dan Gurney he says Nick you are a fantastic father so the children respect to you both for being open and honest uh sorry open and honestly the path to life is taking you both down co-parenting must not be easy but you both appear to be smashing it and making it work for the whole family uh Dan says together as one and Mr Colin Williams says such a great story uh he’s been where you both are and it’s very tough so I’ll say again please feel free to leave some comments I will come and address them as we go on um so Nick you said about wanting to lash out there there is gonna be times of anger you’re obviously very level-headed um I guess I’ll ask the question without dwelling on it would you was a um were either of you better than the other throughout the course of it or did it ever get quite um nasty at one time or did you both kind of hold it within yourselves and to you event you know you got to that the place where you are now Emma I’ll ask you that kind of like just sort of kept myself to myself and if I was sort of I would never lose my [ __ ] to an extent I’ll just be quiet and just not say nothing that’s why that’s how that’s how I deal with things where Nick would open up and be like no women don’t do that do it this way or whatever but no I just I was sort of like right I’ve got two children I’m a single mum [ __ ] what am I gonna do right I’ve got a good house I just need to focus on them and sorry to take Nick but I wasn’t thinking of him my main priority of the children and Jack was joining schools right when I was moving I was like right into the office Deb reports and then I need to think about what nurseries Elizabeth’s going to go to it’s obviously I work full-time sort of thinking to be fair Nick wasn’t my priority it was the children and Nick you know we had our set structures of Wednesdays and every other weekend so it’s like right you’re just gonna work in the background and work with us you know people say don’t change just because you’ve had children but you need to change both of you you need to adapt to the needs of the children and my main focus was them and my career basically I get yeah so I mean from the off you were already um in a in a good place um from a maturity point of view that’s not the right phrase that I want to use but because the actual public statement that you made on your Facebook telling all of your friends and family of the situation it was quite a it was quite a very uh moving post that was made I mean did you spend a lot of time drafting that between you before you made the official announcement I mean we’re rolling back a little bit now but I think it is quite important yeah I think I think I was immersely was an Iron Man yeah he was in the kitchen I thought yeah I thought during all of this you know just just went like about six months after him and I agreed to split up and about the time I was moving house I broke my leg as well so I thought I’d shut that in good yeah um so I was I had to move out with a broken leg and Emma was the assistant that I had the children during this time and we have structure and so you know hobbling along with a broken leg and and looking after the children in covered in isolation was a particular challenge but glad I did it because that kind of you know forced you to sort of to to get into that sort of um mentality but I remember because we took a picture didn’t we in when we were sat in in the in the um in the kitchen and I remember drafting it and then just sort of running it by you and making a couple of changes but no I’m just I think we just I just did it in a on the afternoon and I didn’t really write it out or anything I think no it was it was a great post and and all the way through I mean I’ve commented to you both haven’t I on many occasions how very impressed I am with the way that you’ve dealt with this a few more people coming in and commenting another of our Xbox buddies uh yance says it’s great to see you guys doing this as someone who does it myself I do a weekend and a week off with the children it’s not the easiest thing not the easiest of things to do but it does work uh lee Fisher pups in and says hello pogwash says who mentions my name uh Amanda Amanda Goodrich she’s very proud of you both uh Nick your mum and sister are watching and uh my good friend Mark up the road he says hats off guys it’s very refreshing and Well Done family all the way life throws curveballs and you are both a breath of fresh air and then Jane Harrington who’s only missed uh 20 minutes so fast says I’ll have to listen back uh we are having an open we are having an open and Frank discussion about the way that these two wonderful people are dealing with this so officially um officially divorced there has that all gone through yeah yeah huh yeah we did yeah no it has absolutely um that was something that we um well we sort of wanted to get um you know fresh clean start move on and that happened quite promptly within the legal time frame um of these things I think it’s two years I don’t know yeah we got it done but also important that you know I think while we were still together uh still living together I don’t think we’d set up a child maintenance agreement but we we sorted that out very quickly um you know as soon as soon as we um moved into separate homes certainly that that was that was set up because you know I guess a lot of the Fallout and the disagreement can be about financial support therefore that then breeds into conversations around access you know we just did them you do the right thing you know you know if you’re a parent then you should contribute financially in my view um and that’s what I do um and um you know that putting that that just takes one one of the big arguments away if you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing um financially yeah I started button in Nick but I remember we actually sat there at dinner table one night and we went on to like the government website and it was like you put in your salary and how many hours we think you know it’s reasonable for you to have the children and sorry to mention you Amanda but we sort of followed you with your ex and how he has the children it was like oh yeah Wednesday’s works it’s mid-week and we’ve done this whole calculator thing and how many days and we spoke about it openly didn’t we and it was like oh the child care is going to cost this and I’m gonna do that and yeah even now you know and I’d pick them up on a Sunday at the club and you’re by the first round you know I’ll get a Domino’s pizza or whatever you know it’s it’s just about working together there will be people watching this who are completely bewildered on how you make it happen because I can see some people here who I know have had the most traumatic um relationships with the parent that with their partners and the uh you know the father and the mother of their children so to hear you be so calm and fantastic about it you know some people just believe this no one no one punched it someone else in the in the face or anything like that so there wasn’t anything sort of you know like that to to to cause it you know so we fill out our love but um you know what I would say is for people that are in a difficult position is that you know the website that the government website is easy to use it is very clear you can just go on log on um you know put put the salary in put how many days and the way that it works it out is that depending on the number of days you would have two of them a week will work out to you know a total number of days in a year so I can’t remember what the bandings are now but you know the more that you have your children obviously the less from my perspective the less Financial contribution I would make um and the way that it works out with the with the uh the time that I have the children for now which works out to be um four out of 14 nights um you know you multiply that up to a year I think it comes out at around 100 and 405 days and depending on those days you know we’ll dictate how much you you have to contribute and it’s very clear and it’s very easy to use and it really there’s no real debate there um because if you can’t agree then the government will send you a letter and tell you based on what your warnings were last year and it’s it’s made clear that way so for anyone that is struggling you know not suggesting you sit around the dining room table and do do what we did at all but to know what you you know are owed or what you should pay is very clear in the government website so everyone just sorry for button in um everyone just needs to remember it’s you know although Nick and I might have spies one another at the time but you just need to look at those children and think you’re doing whatever you can for those children so behind the closed doors when the kids are in bed Nick and I might be like oh no I want to watch this I want to watch that you know but just think about the children at the end of the day and what they see and what they think you know what I mean even the money side of it I’m just kind of like well whatever whatever you know however difficult it was to come to an agreement with you about what the split was and whatever after a couple of years you kind of think well when I snapped it my money’s going to go to the kids and when you stuff it the money’s going to go with the kids anyway who cares if I haven’t drunk it all by then but we’ll see um I have to ask the question then so you say forward as a 14. who came to that decision who chose that number would you like it to be different are you happy with that number is Amanda’s fault it was less than that wasn’t it it was it we didn’t we weren’t didn’t do the midweek thing at first I don’t think did we I think no we did I just remember it from following we I remember us having the conversation it was like what do we do and we do like all weekend or and I was like oh no that’s too much because Elizabeth was so young she was only for six months yeah I wasn’t breastfeeding or anything but I was like no she’s still a baby you know so joint custody was never was never an option or it was never disgusting no I think it was just we just followed from friends and like I said Amanda what she had with her ex-partner and it was like what what do other people do you know it’s what you always say about everything don’t you what do other people do in these situations he was like oh Wednesday that’s quite good because that’s mid-week and then every other Saturday yeah that’s good because then you know I can go out the girls or whatever and but I did struggle I I mean I really struggled you know particularly you know a couple of years ago you know Elizabeth was was to Jack was for um you know covered aside whether or not it was you could go out and do things or not it was you know I really struggled and there were times when I said I can’t cope to Emma and she did have to bail me out a couple of dark times and you know have the kids and you know I I really struggled you know I was I was having you know oh so you weren’t correct I’m I’m listening to what you’re saying thinking you’re struggling because you needed more access and you’re actually saying no I can’t this weekend okay just not on my own um and it now I can laugh about it because when I when I hang out with mates that have got you know kids similar age and it’s like oh my God I had to look after Sebastian or whatever for an hour early and I’m gonna die and I’ll just sneakers Sebastian sounds like a little bastard already so I think if I know any kids could call Sebastian now yeah I think I do sorry Darwin calm down [Laughter] so it’s it’s all uh it’s all fun and games and it’s all you know you’re all very commendable uh lee Fisher says very strong characters a very mature approach to approach to co-parenting uh very good friend Sue Ella says he’s actually making her very emotional and a bit of a failure how mad it is that uh she absolutely applauds you both now unfortunately someone like Zoella saying about feeling like a friendly there’s only so much you can do as one individual in a partnership right uh it does it does take both both people to have the approach that you’ve got um and as time progresses do you um are you flexible to change the arrangements or are you going to be very rigid in the uh access I suppose if that’s the word you you want to put put down to it could you Nick for example say you know what I wanna I want the kids for for three days in two weeks time that can’t happen well I’m very conscious that you know it’s all well you know me having the kids from midday on a Saturday through three or four o’clock on a Sunday isn’t a full weekend and we all have a whole weekend to ourselves so ultimately you know that that will be a consideration I’ve mentioned it to have a bit of consideration where I do perhaps have the kids on you know from a Friday night through to the the Sunday so that she does get a couple of nights um you know now they’re getting older that’s the consideration and I’m certainly as long as it’s planned and we’re both happy with the arrangement um then you know the answer is yes you know is is I’m okay let me let me address the elephants in the room there because Emma’s like we’ll see when she rushes back Emma’s like no we don’t make those plans yet so you’ve got different options every Wednesday is like my Wednesday and I’m with my job I’m with the RH so we’ve actually changed our board meetings now to happen on a Thursday if we have a dinner on the Wednesday night so everyone’s like no we can only do it Wednesday night because that’s the night Emma’s not for the kids you know but and I I plan everything I’m a nightmare I’m so regiment on what I do and a lot I put my nails in on a Saturday at 12 30 because I’ll drop the kids off at 12 or I have to go into the office and so yeah there was there’ll be times like on you know a Tuesday I’ll say to me oh can you have the kids because I’m invited to some sort of dinner or whatever would work and you’re flexible and I said well I’ll have them on the Wednesday then because you’ve had them on the Tuesday Nick and you’re like no no Wednesday’s my night so he’ll have them on the Tuesday and the Wednesday like last weekend so just about working together and so yeah sorry Nick come on so I was gonna say well yeah I agree we do keep trying to keep the structure and the consistency because it’s important for Jack and Elizabeth so they don’t know what they’re doing because if you start changing the days and doing different things and they get confused anyway so it’s important for them to have consistency but you know I I hadn’t mentioned the Wednesday I was referring more to the weekend of of maybe having having them a bit more as they get older perhaps through a whole weekend but you know at the age they were and kind of are at the moment you know two nights in a row is a bit of a slog for me I lose my [ __ ] well Amanda I was just uh briefly reading this very quickly and I realized that I I didn’t read it with the correct punctuation uh Nick and Emma were amazing at falling out but what he actually says is Nick and Emma were amazing at falling out but moving on from their four lights uh massive credit to them both massive credit to them both for not wanting to win in every argument just accepting and moving on so did you ever have to seek any um outside external help uh whether that be talking to people at work if they offer that kind of thing or or you know uh seeking help online or or speaking to anybody on the phone either at the time yeah but at the time uh I don’t know we did we went to that place in Warburton if we did but if you remember I had um I thought it’d be a good idea um actually to you know a few days after we we split up to keep my vasectomy appointment and also then get flu and then book uh a counseling appointment so so dramatic yeah so yeah we did give it a go it didn’t work out so well we had one session and didn’t go back no I think we had two we had two and I was born and she’s just talking there about trying to help us get back together and it was just it was too late and we weren’t we weren’t about together it was just more we’re not going to be together let’s just focus on the children right okay let’s go to these mediation and stuff Carla our friend Carla says mediation that’s obviously what you’re talking about Lee Fisher asks I don’t think you’re a actually I was going to say you’re not a big football fan but you’re a Spurs fan is that’s probably right do Wednesday’s impact Champions League Nick he says and then I know what the score is now if anyone wants to let me know because I can’t have it on the background I’ve been distracted so tell me Well fair play to you for sticking to the appointment mate uh and Jenny uh Jenny B says I applaud you both for focusing on the children co-parenting requires being selfless um so I mean we could we could quite easily sit and uh talk about what fantastic Role Models you are and how you can uh you know pass off your Pearls of Wisdom to others what are you hoping or what do you believe has been did the um the strongest trait that you both have uh you know the thing that you feel you’ve brought individually to making this work what would you both say your your strengths are in this relationship Emma I’ll go to you because Nick looks deep in thought what would you what would you say you your strongest that to to to keep the balance just communicate so Nick and I will speak probably pretty much every night whether that’s you know nine o’clock or ten o’clock at night once I’ve relaxed and sitting there in my chocolate bar and I’m like oh chat was a nightmare tonight or oh he read this book and he got on really well with Elizabeth was a drama queen because she didn’t have a pink toothbrush you know it’s just about to communicating with one another even sometimes I’ll communicate with Nick and be like I have a really [ __ ] day today and I won’t even mention the kids and then I’m like oh yeah you’re kids are fine anyway yeah all good and I’m like yeah they’re fine you know so it is just about communication and Nick sometimes like this morning you rang and oh no this afternoon when you rang about the password thing picking up the kids and the kids are like so many different like clubs and after school clubs and got so many passwords to pick them up and you’re like what’s the password what’s the password communicate and just working together for the benefit of them and two eggs as much as you might despise one another which luckily Nick we don’t well I hope you don’t have any but it doesn’t it doesn’t look like you do Nick uh I mean someone one of someone mentioned the point scoring thing and I think it’s obviously not Point scoring in you know and we had to draw a line how do you draw the line how do you stop um picking points or you know arguing or whatever and afterwards but uh we we said that really we’ve got to focus our conversations every conversation must be about the kids not about us or the job or anything like that it’s just that’s just you know make sure every conversation is about the kids and in terms of any requests that come in from either of us if it’s for personal reasons no but if it’s in the best interest of the kids then yes because you know we were trying to find a balance between you know where does Mark where does I’m not a husband anymore so you know the the fact that Emma’s got [ __ ] going on at work it’s not really my problem anymore um and so therefore generally if there’s a request to sort of can you have the kids because work the answer will be no but if it’s a very a fair point I think that’s a very fair point but if it’s planned in advance and in a few weeks time I’ve got this coming up or I’ve got that would you mind then yeah not a problem but I’m not neither of us are here to be the other ones reacting to surpass the supportive partner anymore so but I think that the answer to the question is respect then it needs to go both ways of the boundaries yeah and you know okay so um again everyone is just pouring uh comment um comment complements upon you pouring the compliments upon you and uh someone asked the question uh uh do you want to know the score by the way Nick go on why are you talking about football I’m gonna get another drink uh you’re one nil day okay um so can you still hear me Emma shout yes okay so a question that we’ve been asked that I have to relay um have you been through the new partners thing I mentioned that earlier and I was sort of like dating someone or seeing someone and like the kids had mentioned the person’s name I don’t want to mention it online but let’s say I know Joe and Nick you’re you’re really reasonable with it and like I think it was someone that might have been Elizabeth’s birthday and he was here and it was like hi yeah fine yeah you shake your hands yeah right mate yeah you and it was just amicable and I’ve always been open with you and said oh I’ve got date tonight or oh I’m doing this tonight and you have also and you’ve had a date and you sort of said oh I’ve got a date tonight oh yeah where’s your problem what’s she do just showing an interest of each other’s relationship status because at the end of the day you want to know who this person is that could be sitting on the side with your child you know I understand yeah yeah well I mean you know I’m kind of very straight and direct and you know decisions made that relationships over so therefore it’s inevitable that one of us might meet a you know someone else and yeah obviously it goes through your mind how are you going to react to that um and you know walking into the room to see the gym muscle-bound guy that’s slightly taller than me and uh good jawline was not intimidating at all um and uh but no I’ve been here all the time I’ve been here all the time so whoever he was you know it was always going to be you know am I going to be a dick or am I going to be you know reasonable because ultimately doesn’t it benefit me more having a nice environment rather than something that’s slightly tense and awkward so yeah don’t have to be mates with him just have to be civil um and um yeah that was that but um you know from her perspective yeah from my perspective um yeah it’s not really been something that I’ve I’ve pursued or been interested in kind of you know soon after that as I spoke about grief earlier and you know goes to a bit of a grieving period and then it’s almost like survival of just needing to be in a better place to to be strong enough to be able to look after your kids and I was in a in quite a dark place I don’t I don’t mind talking about that I had you know personal counseling and you know being down the lines of depression and still on medication now and have been um for for a few years and you know without that it you know takes the edge off but without that then it really would have been a struggle um but you know fast forward a couple of years later still you know having to check myself and do some of the right things but Emma and I I would consider as friends now um we’re able to hang out and you know the stuff that she shares with me and I share with her that I don’t think we share with too many other people so there’s still that trust and respect there but just general Mutual Mutual hatred for more after about more than two hours oh no come on we can do two and a half with alcohol yeah you say that in just uh and you know let me let me pick at the scab does it ever does it ever get uncomfortable at times do you ever wind each other up I’ve had an argument in two or three years beautiful after you I mean Emma I mean no no we did fall out um when I covered not falling you are sorry when I covered yeah you’re so selfish no it was it was the whole going to Spain on Elizabeth’s birthday thing I think oh yeah that was that wasn’t good yeah I mean we had a bit of a falling out not falling out it was not Emma’s fault it was just generous family members had bought um you know flight flight tickets to to go out to their place in Spain and just so happened to fall on Elizabeth’s birthday so I wasn’t going to see my daughter on her birthday and that was not done maliciously purposeful purposely or otherwise they never didn’t even do it so you know thinking of like half term or whatever and restricted on dates which is probably one thing we actually do need to discuss and maybe not now whilst we live on Facebook but like half term like right like we had done we’ve done Christmas already obviously it’s only a few weeks well not a few weeks eight weeks away but actually like summer holidays I think there’s me being structured structured but right holidays then I’m gonna have the kids this week and maybe put in the birthdays and be like right Elizabeth’s birthday falls on a Wednesday well sure night well no I want to see them on a Wednesday you know I think we actually need to plan that I’ll send you an email come on wonderful it is you know you’ve obviously both very um balanced despite your challenges that you both have had you know you are very balanced you are able to stop and think and and do the right thing um as many people watching this will um agree with it isn’t always that easy and you do make it sound just so fantastic and unbelievable I’m fairly certain there’s a lot of people who are just saying you know this is unbelievable and it’s great well there is a why though there is another why you know and that that why is is your own childhood um you know and from my perspective um you know my mum and dad were together and until I was 10 and I remember the conversation you know when I was 10 when mum and dad sitting us down and telling us that there was no more and I remember then you know before even teenage years then you know Dad’s having to move back to his parents in North London um and you know not have his own place for a bit met someone and then that someone was very different to my mother very very different uh and then growing up when you’re 12 13 14 trying to find yourself in a very strict rules house you know got told up off for not puffing the pillows up correctly or me clammy hands or whatever it was you know where I had total freedom you know not total freedom but I had my friends and I could do you know more than what I want wanted in Milton Keynes as opposed to getting my dad’s miles away with no one and it wasn’t good I it felt like it had to be two different people growing up when it it didn’t do me well growing up and I thought will it you know whatever happens I I you know if I do happen to meet someone and we do go pear-shaped what I don’t want is for my children to have to go through the two house syndrome the two sets of rules you know you’re trying to find you know discover about your body and your mind and all that and you’ve got to worry about what do I do in this house compared to that house and you know inevitably there’ll always be different parenting Styles but that I will always remember and that’s part of well my main motivation as well is consistency for that reason it’s like you started Jack with the um no pull-ups of the night time and I was like no no he’s not ready I’m thinking oh no that’s my baby and other women that are probably watching and probably thinking they’re saying I’m like no no he’s not ready he still needs his scrubs oh we’ll just do another night just in case and you were like no no I’m going to the gym I’m going to the gym too much I’m thinking why is he doing pull-ups overnight no bullets is in nappies Andy your children are a lot older that’s fine but and and Nick will credit to you you were like no we’re gonna do it and I was like okay so I had to respect that and go okay I’m gonna do it and we’ve done it and we cracked it and you know your family what’s your family Dynamic uh brothers and sisters why is Emma um I’ve got two sisters my mum and dad separated when I was really young we’ve got no real memory of that um I see my real dads now occasionally birthdays and sort of things like that but my Peter he’s my stepdad but he’s my sort of main person I see every day he works in the family room business it’s his business okay so did you have quite a strict upbringing yourself or was it were you a spy a child or or not I’m quite fun because we go down the oven stuff but my mum was always working but no I’ve got no real memory of it being awkward or horrible or anything no no it was just okay not amicable like Nick and I are but it was just like oh I’m going to Dad’s for the weekend oh okay or I’m like no I’m not going and blah blah okay you don’t need to go what my mum had to deal with with my dad losing his [ __ ] because he didn’t have me over the weekend I don’t know but yeah no I don’t I don’t really record any major so um a few more comments coming in uh Michelle’s been watching she says you guys are just great um Colin is continuing to uh commend you uh Jenny Jenny B says the older you get the more you learn but you need to be mentally prepared to give and take um and Colleen also says again his child guided oh I think he’s saying his childhood guided how he handled his own split parenting Behavior sorry that I’m just reading that and then Carla says the upset trauma and heartache between parents and kids after breakups and divorce definitely has an impact on our adult relationships and then Lynn Hansen who gives us an informed opinion I’ll be uh discussing Lin very shortly she says the damage fighting parents do to children is enormous your children look back with such love and respect for you putting their is in the center even when it’s tricky good for you for making the change and respecting each other enough so that the children don’t have the same negative experience that Nick has had and that is coming from Lynn who works within the social work in um environment and and I’ll be discuss England in a little bit so again everyone listening we’ve got a great amount of people who are watching and viewing and who are all applauding you um I think we’ve covered the domain Crux of how you make it work and how you’re gonna make it work you’ve even just addressed something that you haven’t discussed yet and it was you know it was clear to see that you’ll be able to face any challenges um as they they come head on um who’s going to be the one who’s going to talk about the birds and the bees Nick what about it well how how can you remember how we had actually had did I did we Nick did we not just all I know is I’m partly responsible for both um and that’s pretty much I don’t know what do you mean birds and the bees Andy what do you want to know it’s just it was just a joke it’s nothing when you have when you have the children uh after that conversation when he’s coming about you had a picture of you over the bed with your vocal booth radio show on repeat and that is what she insisted when we made our children can we talk about this actually can you remember this do you remember we talk about this or maybe we shouldn’t talk about watching Emma came up to me at Southport and I can’t remember exactly what it was it wasn’t it was a VB reunion it was always a reunion I think and was it you said Nick my wife wants you to talk into her ear or something I can’t even remember we put something on her phone also voicemail I was very embarrassed I know that so it was a bit weird it was a bit weird we’re gonna have like an hour’s worth of my voice now on this podcast with you guys so maybe that’ll suffice I don’t know I’m bored of it now Andy I’ve had it for too long yeah everyone says that to be fair everyone says you should have been a vocal boo if you would have been extremely bored of it um guys we’re gonna start wrapping up see if you’ve got any more comments all our wonderful viewers please do feel free to ask a question um do you feel we’ve covered everything Emma and Nick is there anything else that’s not really no I I think you know the the the real main question of you know will we ever appear at vocal booth again I mean you know it’s more likelihood of me doing it but Emma suggested that her and the girls might would head out was it this year Emma you were talking about it but I mean you know if if Andy’s babysitting circle thing kicks off the idea that you come up with Andy I love that then yeah well me and Emma will come along bring the kids and kids can go around his babysitting club and we can go and Rave Happy Days see you next year where the new I mean it’s just it’s a coincidence I have this t-shirt on this evening but the new facilities the new um situ uh is fantastic for children so I’m sure you could bring them both for long and there’d be more than enough people to to take them off your hands you know if you’d like to have that idea of a party yeah it’s all really good isn’t it um I’m sorry it’s all good I’m just checking to see that uh anyone else is saying um again more compliments Carla I think is incredible what you’re doing and managing for the kids peace of mind for them both it’s so refreshing and Jenny’s paying compliments to uh another topic that we’ve covered on the channel um and Amanda says it’s been very therapeutic and then uh I’m sure you must get asked this a lot I’m going to ask the question Amanda says can you get back together now please absolutely not that would involve being together for more than two and a half hours without alcohol at times wouldn’t it so we’ve dealt with an hour with him with alcohol you’re saying Jeff if if I didn’t know you better I would think that your jokes were uh masking a deeper problem but it’s clear to see no no there really is no problem there you really are getting you really are great together and um sorry to bite in Andy but for a Monday night when I was I’ve been up all night with work because our service went down at work and Nick was quite conscious he ran me Monday and he was like you’re all right and I was like tired no not he’s like you’ve got the kids yet and I was like no he’s like what you got the dinner and you were actually like worried about me as in have you eaten what we have for lunch and you were like should I bring something over and I was like no no it’s cool you know I don’t need it it’s fine it was like okay cool see you later yeah I’m not stupid if you kill over I’ve got to have the kids full time I’m not done wonderful we’re being asked the question here that I think you’ll both be able to answer and I won’t keep you much longer because I know time’s getting on and MRI I think you’ve got a pizza waiting in the wings right unless it’s on Route 9 15. it’s all right you’ve got you’ve got 15 minutes we’ve got five minutes uh a friend of mine here in Spain Simon asks what do you do when things get ugly I’ve tried so hard but failed miserably so many times working with the mother of my child I gave up I mean I don’t know whether you because you’ve been fortunate enough to not be in a position where it’s got ugly so many times what would you know people that yeah I mean it’s really difficult to sort of you know pass wisdom on but whenever whenever I hear of a problem this sort of side I try and break it down to sort of say what is it that I can try and do in the next 24 hours you know and and I don’t know the context of of of the issues is it Simon did you say Simon yes so and for how long before obviously is going to be a lot of complexity but you know in terms of what is it that you want if it’s the basics of I want access to my kids I want consistency and I want to have you know a decent relationship with them um then then already I suppose you’re starting on the same Common Ground as the X but in basic terms um but it’s very very difficult to say without it it’s hard I’m waffling it’s hard to say because we don’t know Simon so if you want to comment again that would be helpful but a lot of a lot of my perception is a lot of people think oh it’s the woman is the primary care of the children so if Simon’s thinking oh you know I’ve got to have the kids this Saturday and I can’t be doing with it or I don’t know we need to know the content of the question yeah I think the consistency commitment structure yeah you know a mutual respect if you can’t communicate on the phone with one another but we would talk sometimes Nick over like the school holidays we sent emails didn’t we we’ve done an Excel spreadsheet about who’s having the kids on what days yeah you know so if you can’t communicate verbally well then do it electronically you know everybody wants that message or something so I’m just reading some comments here POG wash is clearly about 10 minutes behind in the conversation he’s just catching up on the part about having sex to my voice um Rowan Rowan warmington says me and the kids mum are like this is fabulous for their mental health his children are much much older um well they’re teenagers and and adults almost now we are both off to watch Harvey at a gig in Sheffield and he is happy and comfortable for us all to be in the same space supporting him it’s never about you it has to be about the kids and he says I love people like this um and then science has come around and answers he says uh the mother has severe animosity towards me even though she’s moved on so I mean it seems like he’s fighting a losing battle so to speak really and then it’s it’s very difficult isn’t it although I’d say to Simon is if if you’re paying what you know what what the government says you should be paying if I can be it’s a bowl if you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing as a father and you’re there for your for your kids it’s not about you and her I mean you know having a communicative relationship like I have with Emma is a bit of a bonus so you can find out you know if the kids were annoying when they clean their teeth or whatever but ultimately the most important thing is for you the religious relationship with you and the kids so if you are you know you are able to get that stretch and you are able to see them consistently and you are able to keep that going over a period of weeks and months whatever then I don’t know anyway you may already be there it may be far more something else than that but if you do want to reach out you know I’m more than happy you know to you know have a chat with anyone really um I will I’ll thank you both in the description if you don’t mind um so that people can and they will um reply and you’ll be able to see other replies we’ve had a hell of a lot of replies as well um and now Carla is talking directly to Simon um and uh Angel saying thank you so I I think I’ll start wrapping this up now guys because we could be here chatting all evening about different circumstances but I think you’ve painted an extremely um clear and very commendable picture on on the way that you handle things and uh I it was actually you guys who who reached out and said that you’d be happy to discuss and and come on and come on here so I thank you for that and we look forward to um you know where it all goes and I look forward to the fireworks in the summer holidays to see who who actually gets the the most days and you know when it all kicks off but keep up those uh positive status updates on Facebook because it is really um heartwarming to see and all your friends have definitely got your backs and okay thank you for support network out there find comments thank you Wicked any final words from you you guys thanks Nick for being a um an amazing [Laughter] Emma thank you for your contribution to creating our children okay Emma enjoy your pizza Nick enjoy thank you enjoy the back end of the football I hope so cheers okay and there go Nick Emma I was going to say Nick and Amanda then for some reason um wonderful weren’t they great uh really heartwarming and I do know there are going to be some of you watching that in complete disbelief I said it earlier I’ll say it again I know some of your relationships with your other halfs the uh the parents of your children and I know that’s like a dream come true right so um yeah thank you again when you come back and check that out Nick and Emma I’ll just read some of these comments here uh Michelle says thank you guys it’s been a fantastic chat um uh Angel says it would be useful to have a chat with you both uh I understand the situation that you guys are in so yes I must remember to tag Nick and uh Elaine Jackson good evening um I’m sitting up a little bit straighter now next month I would just like to say how much I miss Emma her parents but particularly the relationship how wonderful um that you have that uh those sentiments to the them both thank you for watching and Lynn is leaving some messages for Simon which I will read in a little bit Amanda says well done he’s been Brill uh great parents lovely call Colin emotional Spurs are one nil down yeah we already knew that and uh relevant stuff for so many Denise thanks for sharing thank you Denise do my best to bring you more of these non-music related conversations I know you like them and uh Mr Lee Fisher still watching good show thanks Lee I’ll be talking to you soon brother and uh we’ll get you back on and we’ll discuss uh some music and some non-music topics looking on the screen in front of me I can see a world of people who are now following the page and who have liked the page thank you very much to Helen Rob Bobby Ralph Diana Fozzy John Andy uh Mr Madison and Sarah Phil shares the post Sarah like the video um and the pogwash says I’m sorry I’ll pause the video to go to the loop it’s all good um in front of me we can see next Wednesday a little bit earlier it’s going to be at seven o’clock UK time uh I will be talking to the wonderful Lynn Henson a journey through Social Work finding the nice in the trickiest of times Lynn has a story to make your toes curl I tend to not do a lot of uh I tend not to ask a lot of questions before I have these conversations because I like them to be as natural as possible because you never know what they throw up but Lynn sent me quite a detailed email through about her journey in social work and I cannot wait to have her uh on the chat next week so please try and remember to come back you may be watching this on my own profile but there is an official page called Inspire and be inspired if you can do a quick look for it I’ll paste it at the end of the comments head on over try it and get a notification when we go live and uh yeah just join us for the ride um Lin has 5 p.m in her diary thank goodness you’re listening well listen uh the earlier the better for me to be honest it means I can get to bed sooner but now I think 5pm might be a little bit too early we want to try and get as many people watching as possible so if 7 P.M works for you next Wednesday Lynn let’s keep it at 7 pm um and finally uh I’ll draw attention to uh these names to the bottom right of the screen my access subscribers you can see logos business logos DJ names all rolling on a little slideshow thank you all for being a part of this you’ve allowed you’ve enabled me to touch up the studio ever so slightly my computer’s about to shut down I’ve just prevented that so I just wanted to say thank you at the end of the stream uh I’ve got some new graphics stick around you’ll see your name come up on a credit roll uh give you my praise and thanks to you that’s about it for me Lynn says 7 P.M next weekend is great so I’ll see you next Wednesday 7 P.M where I’ll be talking to Lynn Henson we’ll be talking about her journey through social work we’ll also be talking about parties we’ll also be talking about their um blatant vandalism of graffiti up and down the country with these little stickers you are nice all of that are much more next week thank you for being here guys I’ve really enjoyed that conversation thank you again to Nick and Emma take care of yourselves now bye thank you foreign [Music]


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